Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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