But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
