Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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