I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
