she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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