I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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