I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize