I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
