Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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