I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
