I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
