I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
