Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
