where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
