"it" just moved
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
