I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
