He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize