I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
