I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
