i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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