At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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