are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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