dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
