He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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