I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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