What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
