so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
