No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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