His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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