I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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