Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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