It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize