So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
