your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I love having hate sex.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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