Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
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