i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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