But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
