i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
