Plan B is the new Plan A
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
A bitchslap is in order.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
