She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
