just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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