He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
