if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
