okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
