I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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