I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
