i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize