Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
