Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
this is an emotional support booty call
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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