Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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