Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
