she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
