i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
