There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
