he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So vagazzling was a success
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
