For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
