Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
worst night to have a conscience
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
