; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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