:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
