The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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