I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Randomize
