I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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