He disabled his match.com account in front of me
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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