my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
