Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
