Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
