Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
