I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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