I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
