Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize