Jerry, you need to find god
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
