just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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