I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
