There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
We smell like vodka and hangover
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