Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
