i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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