READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
