No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
