When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Shame is for Republicans.
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