I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
