in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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