I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize