I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
