Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
