the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
