Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
