He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
well you can't waste a boner
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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