I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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