This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
