Plan B is the new Plan A
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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