i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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