i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
