I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
