why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize