I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
