I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
