This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
