I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
