I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
